I’d rather

I’d rather be drunk all day long
than being in love with you
but it’s almost the same feeling
and I’m willing to stop drinking
or maybe, just to stop thinking about you.

I wish I could say all the pretty words
I’ve saved my whole life to you,
I wish I could tell you
you’re the prettiest thing I have ever seen
when you fall asleep
how the light fades in your eyes,
like a wave in the ocean
but it becomes a spark,
a long further spark,
like a city welcoming the night
with the whole place invaded with bright buildings.

I wish I could give you
whatever I am,
a mess, a disaster, a tidal wave,
I wish you could see
whatever I become
when you hold me,
how I turn into a singing bird
while I lay on your chest.
I’m still trying to figure out
why I’m the best version of whatever I am
when you hold my hand.

I know we are capable of loving, loving us
but we might not be as brave as we think we are.

I wish I could bring you home
as you do whenever you hug me,
and maybe
just maybe
we could turn into something bigger than this fear.

I’d rather be drunk
at 3 o’clock on Sunday
while you place your head on my chest
than being at this place
where all the faces
aren’t yours.